If I Were Taken

Recently, I was watching the masterfully crafted move 'Taken' and I thought to myself, "if I was in Europe with a gal pal and was abducted by Albanian criminals and subsequently forced into the sex trade my mom would find me, just as Liam Neeson did."  The reasons are simple: my mom is obsessed with me (as we all know) and two, she's nuts.  I'm inclined to share a recent example which will beautifully demonstrate both of the characteristics my mom possesses that would enable her to find me in such dire circumstances.

Recently, just last week in fact, my mom and my 'moms friend' went on a romantic vacation to Mexico.  And almost immediately upon arrival my mom raved about how wonderful the trip was - "oh the weather is wonderful, the beaches are pristine.  Isn't it so great sitting on these luxurious lounge chairs while being served drinks and staring out into the ocean?.....Though..it'd be even better if Diggy were here lying on a lounge chair next to us wearing tiny sunglasses and a bathing suit that matches yours, don't you think?" My 'moms friend', being a wonderful guy wholeheartedly agreed with my mom - yes, the romantic vacation would be even better if the dog was there lying on a lounge chair wearing ray bans and a dog sized matching pair of swim trunks.

As the week wore on my mom's lunacy escalated.  Soon, everywhere she looked she was reminded of me. While snorkeling, "oh! Vance! Look at that eel, it looks just like Diggy!" (Eels have bulbous eyes, I have slightly bulbous eyes thus twins) and "VANCE! That striped fish, it looked so much like Diggy" (I have brindle fur, which is striped, fish is striped thus an uncanny resemblance).  And "I saw this iguana, and it walked EXACTLY like Diggy." (Iguanas have legs, I have legs - there you have it). You can imagine that my 'moms friend' wanted to wring her neck, but miraculously that wasn't the case.  You can also imagine how if the scenario I outlined in the first sentence of the blog came to fruition, my mom would throat chop as many people as necessary to get me back, just as Liam Neeson did.

My mom realizing I've been taken.

My mom showing her captive my photo