Thursday, November 3, 2011

Heathen: A pseudonym for Diggy.

Dear Readers,

  My longest absence yet! Let me assure you I have been VERY busy being a really really poorly behaved dog.  Over the last 8 weeks or so I have had several revelations and they are as follows: (1) I rule the house; (2) I can do whatever I want with no real consequences; (3) even if there are "consequences" my mom only stays mad for 5-10 seconds; (4) I am not a pet; and (5) I have a pet human. I won't go into detail, instead I shall focus on some  of the highlights.

Actually, before going into the highlights I'd like to proffer a reason for my behavior.  That reason is vengeance.  As I mentioned in my last post I was under the misconception that my mom had abandoned me for good, however it turns out she hadn't.  One day I was shoved into a crate, thrown into the hull of a jet and flown across the country - AGAIN. She's done this to me several times now and quite frankly I've had enough of it therefore, I sought revenge.  Now onto the highlights, which will be organized by location:

1. Home

  • consumption of 5 socks
  • knocked over the kitchen trash can
  • emptied the bathroom trash can (7-10 times)
  • emptied my pet human's purse (5-7 times)
  • stole paper towels; destroyed paper towels
  • absolutely demolished a large couch pillow (see Facebook for photographic evidence)
  • whined CONSTANTLY
  • brought several dead, dried worms into the apartment 
  • put a hole in my pet human's new blanket
  • chewed a highlighter on the new carpet
  • chewed a highlighter on my pet human's new comforter
  • chewed up a magazine
  • chewed up dryer sheets
  • knocked an entire bowl of chili in someone's lap
2. Sierra's Home
  • stole garlic bread out of Nedda's hand
  • chewed up an accessory to someone's occupy themed halloween costume
  • tried (unsuccessfully) to eat off of several plates
  • ate Sierra's irreplaceable puppy collar
  • chewed up Sierra's bed (Sierra's mom had to laboriously hand sew it back together)
  • stole and consumed napkins
  • went into the dirty laundry
3. The Haunted House

  • rummaged through all 4 bedrooms
  • stole many many pairs of socks
  • went into the garbage (kitchen and bathroom)
  • tried to eat halloween candy
  • jumped on both coffee tables
  • stuck my face in a bowl of chips
  • licked dishes
  • stole a rib out of someone's hand
  • collected papers, napkins, dirty tissues
  • stole water bottles
  • created a hoard in the backyard of all my best finds which I furiously defended. 

so close - then my pet human unceremoniously
shoved me off.

My contribution to the occupy movement.

Its my world. 



No comments:

Post a Comment