This past Saturday marks one of the
most undignified days I've experienced in a long, long, while. I
blame my mother. She asked if I wanted to go to brunch. Of course I want to go
to brunch. After all, brunch is
civilized, is it not? Naturally I assumed we would be brunching at The Ritz
Carlton, or Fiola Mare, or maybe even some new trendy restaurant (although I do
prefer a more classic venue). With that said, I agreed to join her and
in doing so I lost three precious hours of my life that I can never regain.
We hopped into the car and wove our
way through the streets of Alexandria. Sidebar - I'm not sure I mentioned this,
I probably didn't because I find it very embarrassing, but my mom and her
special friend moved to an abysmally small condo in Old Town. I offered
them an $850,000 loan so they could get something mildly decent but they
declined. They said my 28% APR was unmanageable. I said not employing good
business practices was unmanageable, and well, we left it at that. Anyway, after
a relatively short amount of time we pulled to a stop on a small side street
full of dilapidated row homes. My mom looked over at me, "aren't these
townhouses adorable, Diggy?" Her
statement was so ridiculously absurd that I could barely look at her.
We walked into the house and out into
the backyard. I would have preferred the yard to be larger so I could put some
distance between myself and the house occupants, but I was at a loss.
With nothing else to do I began to explore the grounds. I noted the
absence of any discernible landscape architecture and the sub-par construction
of the deck. While the grounds were truly heinous, what was most
troubling was the lack of stimulating conversation over the next three
hours. My mom, absolutely in her element, discussed mindless things such
as weddings, television shows, and celebrity gossip. No one
discussed the stock market, no one discussed the effect the
Ukraine-Russia conflict could have on oil prices, no one talked about anything.
I would have left, but I don't have
my driver's license, I've never really seen the need for one.
